The Why of What I Do

I created this blog for two reasons. First because writing is my passion. Whenever I start to feel lost or like I just need something for me, I start to crave writing. It's a sanctuary for me, a world where I get to live and experience life through the lives of other people, people that I've created. I love that about writing. I love that I get to be so many different people and wear so many different hats, and then at the end of the day I'm still me.
I read a quote that basically said that the person who reads lives a thousand lives in one lifetime, while the person who doesn't read lives only one. I loved that quote. But I would take it one further. The person who writes truly experiences a thousand lives in one lifetime because you become those characters, if only for a brief moment.. You understand them, you hurt with them, and you love with them. Oh, by the way, I might have a girly crush on my main protagonists. I bet I'm not the only writer that does.

I also created this blog because I've been experiencing a shift in my life, and I've seen other people experience that shift is well. It's almost like you see the light fire up in their eyes, and they realize that they were born to be incredible. They were born to live a life of love and passion, one that could possibly impact the world. Maya Angelou is a prime example of one of these people. She discovered this years and years before the rest of us, and look what she did. The woman inspired millions, and she loved them. People are starting to feel that fire inside,the fire that says that their greatness is in there, waiting to shine.

I wanted to learn how to let my light shine, and I wanted to do it in a way that helped others let their light shine as well. Some days I think I'm getting there. My light must be shining! And other days I'm pretty sure I stuck the light under basket and then buried the basket in mud. I feel like every person that made it to earth made it because there is something in them that is so wonderful it wants to be shown in mortality. When they let it out, their lives and the lives of the people around them are transformed. Gandhi is a prime example of a person who tapped into their greatness and lived in that power. He transformed an entire country and his legacy transformed the world. My hope is that we can all learn to live in such a way that our lives touch the lives of others, leaving them better off than we found them.

Passion: An Explanation

If you look up the word passion in the dictionary, you'll get a definition similar to this: any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as in love and hate. That will be the first definition. The other two definitions you'll see have to do with love and lust. When people think of passion, most of the time they equate it with love or lust, basically with relationships to people. I used to see it that way. In fact, if I remember correctly (it's been a while since my thought processes have changed), I used to view passion in a negative. The thought process I had went something like this: Passion = strong emotion = carnal desire or the carnal mind in control = wicked.
Ouch.
Here's how I view passion now. It can't be done in ='s however. More in lead to's. So here's my lead to ">". Passion > enthusiasm > goals > accomplishment > greater self-worth > loving the self > loving others > God. That may even be a loop because I believe God is the creator of true passion. So, looking at is as a loop it would look like this: God (loving God, serving God, trying to live for God... however you want to look at it) > passion > enthusiasm > goals > accomplishment > greater self-worth > loving the self > loving others > God.
God starts it, God ends it. Passion, when used to better yourself, which in turn betters the lives of others, is a positive. It's a good thing.
Like any good there's always the bad, so passion can be used for the negative. The passion of lust can destroy relationships, the passion of hate can destroy lives. But just because passion has a negative, doesn't mean it is wrong altogether. Everything has a negative. Everything has an opposite. Does that mean everything is wrong?
No.
When you pursue a passion, chances are you're going to come to a point where you question what you're doing and whether or not you should be doing it. I know I questioned it... a lot. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be a writer. Maybe I'm just supposed to be a mom and wife and be okay with that. I've tried that path though, and I sink into depression because I don't feel like a person. I feel like "wife" and "mom", not me. I kinda like to be me.
So, when you start to question, pull back a bit and examine your passion. Ask yourself why. That's the best place to start. Why are you pursuing that particular passion? If the answer is only money, you might want to look deeper, because I personally don't believe that's enough. Money can be an off-shoot, but it's not the desire of a true passion. What do you really want? Why are you choosing that particular way to get it? I can only use myself as an example, but I will. What I really want is to better the lives of others, in any way that I can. I want to use the gifts I've been given to make the lives of other people better. That is my ultimate goal. Why did I choose writing to do this? Because I love it. Because when I write I feel something in me that wakes up and smiles. Because I love to use my mind and see the creative side come to life. Because words literally give me joy. Sounds crazy, I know, but they do. I love words. They make me happy. Like rainbows make other people happy, words make me happy. So I want to achieve my ultimate goal doing something that I absolutely love. If you pull back and examine your passion, chances are you'll feel something similar. You'll find the real reason you're pursuing that passion and the real reason you chose that particular passion. Man is that he might have joy. I believe passion has a role to play in bringing us joy, especially when we channel that passion into something that benefits others.

Goals

So we all know I have goals. Lots of them. What I don't have are smaller goals that will help me achieve the bigger goals. I'm pretty sure everybody knows my goal is to be a published author. I'm pretty sure everybody knows I'm going to achieve that goal one way or another... well, maybe that's just me. Anyway, I have these huge goals, but I don't have a plan of action to achieve these goals. I'm working toward them, absolutely, but it's a piecemeal effort. I do a little here, a little there, and I hope that eventually I'll get where I'm going. So, to cite an example, I've been working on my novel for three years now. Three years. That's a long time. I actually finished it five months after I started it, but then the edits started, and then, when I had edited it to my liking, I began the querying and agent hunting. I was moving forward. But then I hit a brick wall. A big, fat brick wall. My life threw me a huge curve ball (and when I say huge, I do mean huge), and I ended up really questioning what I really wanted. I couldn't look at the book for a year. I couldn't write anything for myself for at least a year. I wrote articles that I sold, but those were challenging. Writing became a burden rather than the joy it had been. I didn't know if it was worth it anymore, not after what life had just handed me.
Eventually, I began to feel like I could do it again. Here's the part where the little goals that I should have come in. I re-read my novel and realized that it needed some serious work. It was too generic, too blase, too predicable, too everything. It needed some improvements! I decided to improve. That was months ago. I'm still improving. I know where I'm taking it, but the challenge to write is still there. I love it. The dream is back, but unfortunately the challenge that it became hasn't left yet. So I write a couple hundred words a week, or every two weeks. No wonder it's not going anywhere! If I were smart, I'd have weekly or daily goals of three to five hundred words. Those are small goals, tiny really, but they'd get me moving forward. They'd get the book finished. Small goals... kind of imperative. I haven't yet made the committment to do that, but I'd like to.
Anyway, this is a new lesson I'm learning in following your passion. You have to have smaller goals that will help you achieve the big goal, otherwise the big goals will take forever to come to fruition, if it comes to fruition at all. Get those small goals going. Put some value on your goals and yourself and see where it takes you.

Road Blocks

Following your passion isn't a simple matter of making a choice and doing it. It is making a choice. But after you make the choice, you're going to come across a lot of road blocks. It's the nature of the beast.
That sounds really negative, but in the grand scheme of things, it's a blessing. Those road blocks are there for a lot of reasons. One, they help you decide whether or not the thing you're pursuing is really a passion and worth pursuing. Two, they help you truly define the goal because you learn through them what you really want and what it is you just think you want. And three, they teach you... a lot! They teach you what you need to know to remain constant while all of your dreams are being realized. For example: how many lottery winners are now broke? They achieved their dream (winning the lottery), but they didn't have the experiences before achieving the dream that would teach them how to handle the dream, so they lost it. You are who you are. Sometimes in order to achieve the goals you're seeking, you have to become a stronger, better you. These road blocks teach you how to do that. Just remember, a goal worth pursuing will change you for the better!

Fear sets in

As soon as I discovered the joy of writing, I started to see myself achieving all these wonderful goals using the writing skills I'd recently uncovered. Most notably, I wanted to be a published author. I still want to be a published author. And I still intend to be a published author. But, wanting something and achieving something are two different things. You can want it all you want, but it doesn't just show up. You have to work toward it. You have to fight for it. You have to power through those days when you just want to give up. A goal worth achieving isn't a goal that just happens. It's a goal that you sweat over, fight over, and cry over because in the end, if you haven't really worked for what you want, than you're not going to recognize or appreciate the value of the dream.

I learned this lesson with my writing. Since my goal is to be a published author, I began researching everything I could about getting published. Oh my! What I learned was so intimidating it was tempting to just take the easy road and back out. Do my writing, write my novels, but not push the publishing thing. It sounded like a lot of scary stuff that I knew absolutely nothing about. Writing a synopsis. Querying an agent. Landing an agent. Making sure the agent wasn't scamming me. Not giving away the farm to a publisher by signing a contract that I don't understand. Those are all road blocks. Worse, everywhere you read everybody says the same thing. Your opening chapter has to be strong or else the agents and editors will never look past the first paragraph! Hook them with your opening line on the query! You have three hundred words to suck them in. Do it right! A synopsis can only be so long; sum your entire 250 page (or more) book into five pages! Write your author bio (I'm thinking, what author bio! I don't have one!!!), build yourself a platform! Don't get stuck in the slush pile!!!!!! And the worst... you know how many authors have tried and failed? Thousands.
Talk about a slap in the face. My reaction... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Have I just decided to jump into the one occupation on earth that is nearly impossible to get into? Again, AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Months into it, I'd bombarded myself with so much information I ended up gulping in fear and seriously rethinking my goals. Did I really want what I thought I wanted? And you know what, the answer was I don't know. I really, really don't know. I decided I'd keep going anyway. I knew I loved to write. I knew it made me happy. So, at the very least, I was going to write. I'd work for the other stuff when I came to it.
There were a few key factors that I took into consideration when I first faltered in my dream. First, my husband had become my cheering section. I'd told him what I wanted and he wanted to see me do it. This was both a good and a bad thing. It was good because I had his support. It was bad because my confidence in myself was so low, that I was afraid he'd see me as a failure if I never published anything. I realize now that he wouldn't, but at the time (three years ago), I couldn't see that. So I had this huge fear of failing... again... at something I'd tried (I'd tried to sell Mary Kay, and I'd taken some courses on medical transcription. I didn't do either of them well. Turns out, they weren't my passion). I couldn't stand to think that he saw me as a failure. So because of that I allowed the fear in, which seriously hindered me in my path. Fear is not a motivator; it kills motivation. And I had let it in. This was my own personal demon which I had to overcome. He had no part in it. He did his best to cheer me on, to build me up with visions of my own dreams. He did a great job. But that fear seriously slowed me down, though, in a strange way, it also kept me going. Fear is not a motivator, but I couldn't stop when my dream faltered because I couldn't stand to fail. So, it did keep me going, though probably not in the best way.
The second thing that kept me going was that I saw myself where I wanted to be. They say if you want something to see yourself there. To feel the emotions you'll experience when you get there. It'll cement the thing in your future and give you the drive to push for it. I had done this. It wasn't on purpose, it just happened. I could see myself (still can) achieving my dreams. I really could. So that helped keep me focused.
After a few months, when the fears began seeping in, I began to question what I really wanted. This would go on for a while.
But, it's all part of the process. I repeat: It's all part of the process!!!! Without the fears, how will you learn to overcome, how will you learn to appreciate what you have and gain, and how will you be strong enough to handle what you want when you get it?

The Beginning

I discovered I loved writing after I read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series (not number four, however, because it wasn't out yet). I read the books, loved the books, bought the books and then thought, "If she can do it, why can't I?"
I'd always wanted to write a novel; it was on my list of goals for myself. And I'd tried a few different times to do it, but I just couldn't seem to pull it off. Something changed after reading those books. I'm not even sure what it was, but I knew that I could do it. So, I did. I sat down to my computer, stuck my fingers on the keys... and sat there. And sat there. And sat there. What do I write? I asked myself. Where do I start? I asked myself. I had no idea. So I sat.
Obviously, that wasn't working. Thinking maybe I needed some inspiration, I turned on some music, the kind that "spoke" to me, as it were. FYI, the song was "Rainsong" by George Winston. One of my favorites.
Anyway, music plays and guess what happens? Magic. I start writing, and writing, and writing, and writing. Five months later I had finished my first novel. But, more than that, my journey had begun. I was beginning to learn what it means to dream, what it means to have passion, and what it takes to pursue both.

The Quest

I started this blog more than two years ago as a creative writing outlet. The goal then was to give people a place where they could go to find fiction stories that were new and fresh. It was also a way for me to improve my writing skill; by doing something often, you get better at it. Obviously my initial goal never came to fruition. Updating the same story daily didn't really work for me becuse more often than not, I would sit down to update and end up staring at a blank page with absolutely no idea what I was going write. Not a good thing. So I decided to change things up.
When I started writing a little over three years ago I didn't know that I was starting a journey. All I knew was that I'd discovered something I loved to do, and that I was going to do it. But so much has happened since that discovery that I have become a completely different person. You may be wondering why. Well, once I found my passion I realized that I had goals and dreams that I wanted to achieve. I learned the value of dreaming, of pushing for things that I never realized were possible, of learning that things really are possible. I learned the true feeling of passion and I learned how important it is to truly value yourself. These are only some of what I've discovered and it hasn't only been through my writing journey, but since writing is so tied to my life, the lessons learned all come through and are affected by it. So this blog has changed like I have changed. It's now about the journey and my passion. It's about learning and growing and developing who you are as a person. It's about the struggles that come up and what it takes to overcome them. Since writing is my passion, it's about writing as well. Anything and everything I can think of that might relate to writing may just end up on here. I don't know where this blog will take me and I don't know where my journey will take me, but I hope that through my journey and this blog I can help other people achieve the goals they've set for themselves and ultimately, their dreams.